I soften and let go.
Being stiff, obsessing with having everything under control and forcing a result or goal are, for me, symptoms of holding. I have been thinking recently about the action of letting go and how to take a step back when I identify the controller in me taking action.
I hold so I don’t hurt
Having everything under control gives us the illusion of protection. You know everything, you are focused on all possibilities and have a line of action in all outcomes. You think you can handle it all and make things be your way, because that is the right way. Sounds familiar?
Letting your ego get in the way might make you behave like a controlling person. And controlling, or holding will dictate every decision you make, every action you take. We begin to live into benefit-cost mode and limiting our potential, because what the mind cannot control is out of option.
Protection against the world.
Truth is, controlling is a defensive mechanism. We control in order not to lose. But overcontrolling only builds a wall around us and the world, around us and a higher and free version of whom we can be.
We hold water in spaces in our benefit. But what happens when we hold too much, more than we can actually handle? Overflow.
Let the flow be free
Stepping out of control might feel scary. What then? Let things happens for themselves? That is not going to go well, I can hear you say.
You think that if you step out, the world is going to collapse and you will never arrive where you dream to.
But let me tell you something: releasing is the most loving action of them all. Creating that freedom is liberating your heart. Moving from the narrow horizons of the controlling mind to the expansion of the heart. The path will simply open for you, instead of you carving it out from the Earth.
And then the current flows free, the water moves. And we can still enjoy it. Because you can swim in a river, not only in a swimming pool.
Releasing doesn’t mean losing.
Releasing is liberating the flow of life and yourself with it.
Practices to let go
Whenever I realize I am in controlling mode I like to practice the following mini exercises, which help me move out of protection and into trust and flow.
I visualize myself standing in front of the issue, or mostly, my life. I see a picture of it in front of me and realize that actually, I can’t see it all because I am too close to it. Then I imagine taking a step backwards. You know how that feels. Moving to the back, further. And the vision becomes clearer.
In general, when I do this practice, after taking one step I realize that I actually want to take at least three more steps backwards. Allowing myself the space and time. Putting more distance. Releasing to be able to see the full picture.
I literally do this standing barefoot and my eyes closed! This works immensely for me. It allows me to take space and move out of the obsessive zone.
For this exercise you would need a handful of sand. Or simply imagine the process with your eyes closed.
Take the sand in your hand and squeeze it, making a fist. You are holding the sand, trying not to lose any of it. Your hand is tensed, closed and cannot move much, otherwise the sand will fall out.
This is how we are when we overcontrol.
Release the sand down or in a bucket. Some of it might even be stuck to your skin, or you might see pieces stuck together, limiting the nature and malleability of the sand.
And then let’s soften
Grab a handful of the sand again while keeping the hand soft form a cup. This way you can see the sand and maybe some is actually falling through your fingers, continuing its path.
Breathe deeply and start opening you hand, liberating the sand. Turning your hand let go of all sand while repeating this mantra: I trust. I let go.
You can repeat this exercises as many times as you like or need. Any time, any day, any moment.
I let go. I let go.
Softening and I let go because I trust.